Things I Hate: An Incomplete but Emotionally Accurate List
Saw someone on Substack post a very specific list of things they hate, and it reminded me that my personality hinges on exactly that—hating things in excruciating detail. So, here’s mine. For no other reason than the internet feels like the right place to emotionally dump on strangers. Enjoy.
1. When my weekly screen time report tells me I’ve clocked in 6+ hours a day like I have a corporate job on my phone. Girl, I was just watching a video essay on niche internet micro-celebrities for three hours. Let me live.
2. When all my friends are “busy” on my day off. Hello?? It’s my random Wednesday. Cancel your meetings. I’m free.
3. When the couple I rooted for in a dating show doesn’t end up together. Like I emotionally invested in your situationship—how dare you not work out for me?
4. People who type under 25 words per minute. No hate but also… live faster. Communicate like you mean it. I’m not trying to spend 15 minutes watching you reply lol.
5. When someone responds to my birthday text with dry energy. I said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU ICONIC RAY OF SUNSHINE!!!” and you hit me back with “thank you.” Jail.
6. People who don’t get my chronically online jokes. Sorry you weren’t raised by Twitter, Tumblr, Reddit, and seven Discord servers. Not my fault I’m extremely fluent in meme.
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